One of the final expressions of love and honor to a parent is fulfilling their final wishes.
Shirley’s Last Days
Shortly after the COVID-19 pandemic Shirley fell and broke her hip. Corvallis Hospital gave her a partial hip replacement, but she was in quarantine. We could not be at her side so we bought her a smartphone so we could Facetime with her. Her Alzheimers took a nosedive and she was so confused…the hospital staff would call Paula often to calm her mom down. Shirley stopped eating and drinking. The orthopedic surgeon, her primary physician, and caseworker arranged with Willamette Spring to receive her back even though the place was in lockdown. The concept was to send her back to an environment she was familiar with.
Thanks to Abby the director at Willamette Springs, we were able to care for her while following Willamette Springs’ COVID-19 protocol. Shirley was home again and she calmed down to a point. She was surrounded by so many people whose lives she touched.
Shirley was surrounded by love…
Shirley passed away peacefully in her home with her family near her. Shirley loved gardening and spending time with her loved ones and singing karaoke and she loved her cat, Thomas.
Shirley is survived by her children Theresa Budke of Redmond Oregon, Don Brown of Metolius Oregon, Paula Ebbs of Millersburg Oregon. She also leaves behind numerous Grandkids and Great Grandkids.
Albany Democrat Herald, Albany Oregon
Willamette Spring’s Family
During Shirley’s last weeks we learned more about who she was at Willamette Springs through the many stories that we were told by the staff there. One of the care partners would bring her little girl at night to where she worked to visit; Shirley loved children and would tell the care partner don’t worry about it, I got her. The little girl and Shirley would hold hands and walk around the facility…
Paula spent a vigil at her mother’s side during her final weeks. The two of them were so very close. It was physically and emotionally exhausting for all of us. We shout out to all of those who help us during this time, too numerous to list. When Shirley finally passed she had a gentle smile on her face. Paula and I took her picture to remember her smile and glow [pic not shared]…she looked so very much at peace.
This is Lindsey Frieze, one of the Med-Techs that loved Shirley at Willamette Springs. During her final weeks, Lindsey and Hospice were a blessing by giving Paula a rest.
Lindsey:
“Took me a few days to collect myself. You gain a personal bond with each person. We become family. Little a beautiful photo of my life at work. I get to keep them comfortable and love them as my own until the end. Paula Ebbs thank you so much for this photo, you don’t even know how much it means to me.. RIP you beautiful woman.”
Emily Nunn:
“She was so beautiful
I will always remember her letting me practice curling her hair before I started beauty school, she was so excited for me.
She will be so missed ?”
Hannah Nicol Lorian:
“I’ll miss her. So was so sweet to me and she loved getting her hair washed she said it was her favorite thing in the shower ?”
Amy Lucason:
“I’ll always remember the night she tried to save me from another resident who was ripping my hair out. And here she comes out of her bathroom naked yelling, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Writings Shirley held close
Life is Eternal
Life is Eternal, the Good Lord said,
So do not think of your loved one as dead
For death is only a stepping stone
To a beautiful life we have never known.
A place where God promised man he would be
Eternally happy and safe and free.
A wonderful land where we live anew,
When our journey on Earth is over and through.
So trust in God and doubt him never,
For all who love Him, live forever,
And while we cannot understand
Just let the Savior take your hand,
For when death’s Angel comes to call,
“God is so great and we are so small”
And there is nothing you need fear
For faith in God makes all things clear.
Author Unknown – Beloved by Shirley Brown
We Give Our Loved Ones Back To GOD
We give our loved ones back to God
And just as He first gave them to us
And did not lose them in the giving
So we have not lost them in returning them
to Him…
for life is eternal love is immortal,
death is only a horizon … and a horizon is nothing, but the limit
our earthly sight.
Helen Steiner Rice – Beloved by Shirley Brown
One outcome of this journey…
Pay It Forward
This journey was a learning process for us…Paula joined a group while caring for her mother, “Dementia Through The Eyes of a Daughter”. Part of sharing is the concept of “Pay It Forward”; there were people that reached out to Paula and now Paula has reached out to others…
Pay it forward is a concept that involves doing something nice for someone in response to a good deed done on your behalf or a gift you received. When you pay it forward, however, you don’t repay the person who did something nice for you. Instead, you do something nice for someone else.
I would like to share what Paula wrote reaching out to another daughter:
“One thing I see over and over again on social media, especially in support groups, is how devastating it is when your loved one doesn’t know who you are anymore.
I vividly remember the first time my mom looked at me and truly didn’t know who I was. Yes, it was devastating and yes, I mourned that loss for a very long time.
But now I’m going to share something that might surprise you.
I actually felt closer to my mom when she no longer knew who I was than I did when she still remembered me.
It didn’t happen immediately and it didn’t come without a lot of tears, but I eventually came to a place where it no longer mattered to me.
I stopped expecting her to know who I was.
I stopped expecting her to do the right things or say the right words.
I stopped focusing on what I needed from her and began focusing on what I could do for her.
I realized that love doesn’t mean knowing someone’s name or recognizing their face.
It doesn’t mean saying “I love you” or even writing it in a card.
It doesn’t mean knowing every little fact about you and every little thing you’ve done in your whole life.
In the last few years, my mom didn’t know my name, but she knew my presence.
She didn’t know our relation, but she knew the sound of my voice.
She didn’t recognize my face, but she recognized my soul.
She felt safe and loved with me, even if she didn’t know why.
Love isn’t knowing who you are. It’s knowing you.
Your heart. Your soul. Your presence. Your love.
I realize not everyone has this same experience, but if you are struggling with your loved one not knowing who you are, I hope you will meet it with blind, stubborn love and an outright refusal to accept that your loved one doesn’t know you.
Trust me.
Your loved one knows you.
And if you open yourself to it, I hope you will see what I have seen.”
By Paula Ann Ebbs
Someday Mom!
Mom after you left us, where you used to be there is an emptiness in my heart. I know where you are, but I miss how we were able to walk. I miss how we used to just hang out. I miss how I was able to tell you anything that was on my mind.
Until we meet again I want you to know that I love you,
Just me…Paula